Why I’m Telling My Story
Preeti Davidson (00:01.314)
Good morning. It's Preeti I've been trying to record a video explaining why I'm doing this. And every time I sit down to do it, get my mind gets sort of scattered in a million directions. I think maybe I should script it out and memorize it and perform it. Crazy thoughts. And then I think one day it'll just come.
And I think the answer is somewhere between those two.
I had a really interesting night last night. It was extraordinarily painful, actually.
But even then I knew that there would be a tomorrow and I would feel differently in the morning. I'm really grateful to know that. That's new for me. That comes from the work I've done on this journey these last two years and eight months.
Preeti Davidson (01:12.367)
So I was in an extraordinary amount of pain. The loneliness that I felt was so painful that there was actually pain in my chest. It kind of emanated up through my throat. And I was texting with a friend of mine who was so loving and reassuring and she said that she knew what I was feeling, that she felt it too. And even though she wasn't feeling it in that moment, she can remember.
what it was like and how hard it is.
Preeti Davidson (01:50.53)
being sober means that I feel everything. And that's daunting, especially at first, because I spent so much time numbing feelings, right? Because I didn't know what to do with them and they would overwhelm me. They would trigger my anxiety. And so I found that I could check out. And even though I don't use any kind of substance to check out anymore, I can still numb myself.
through external validation, through shopping, through surfing the internet ad nauseam for wasted, wasted hours. And last night I was in a moment of complete utter despair.
Preeti Davidson (02:50.786)
The thing about being sober is that while you feel all the
You also feel the good.
What I didn't realize when I was numbing all the bad feelings is that I was also numbing joy, pleasure, happiness, connection, fulfillment.
Pride.
Preeti Davidson (03:21.206)
all the good things in life.
Preeti Davidson (03:25.89)
humor. I laugh a lot more now. I laugh at myself a lot more now. Don't take yourself so seriously, they say. Okay. Well, when you come back from the brink, I major. When you come back from the brink, you're so grateful.
that even though you are very serious and I'm serious about my recovery and I'm serious about helping other people and I'm serious about telling the truth in this format, I can also experience the humor of all the craziness that's happened in my
And I'm super grateful for that. You can experience more than one seemingly disparate emotion at the same time. So last night I was feeling pain, loneliness, and grief, very, very pure grief for the first time I'll share since the end of my marriage last year. I put that away. And I think my brain did that as a coping mechanism. It was too much.
Right? And I continued to do the work over this last year. And last night, my brain decided to open up and say, okay, it's time. It's time for you to see this. It's time for you to feel it and process it and go through it because there is another side.
and being on the other side was the second thing I was feeling. It was hopeful. It was seeing my resilience in the
Preeti Davidson (05:25.376)
It was knowing that the pain was limited, that it would end, that it doesn't last even if it feels like it does.
Preeti Davidson (05:42.158)
So why am I doing this?
Preeti Davidson (05:48.012)
I think the primary reason is because I didn't think that other people felt this way.
I thought that I was the only one. I thought that I was chronically unique.
And I felt sorry for myself, right? I felt victimized. I felt that I should be pitied.
Preeti Davidson (06:15.03)
Those are all very unhelpful feelings. They're rooted in ego and they don't serve a purpose except to hold us back, to keep us small.
So sharing what I've been through, what I've come through on this other side is really, really important to me because I want you to know that you're not alone. And in telling you that you're not alone, I feel
Preeti Davidson (06:49.378)
Like my friend last night, she wasn't in a moment of grief, but she knows grief. And there was a safe place between us in a text conversation. It wasn't even in person or on the phone or on FaceTime. It was a text conversation that made me feel so seen and loved and belonging.
that I knew it was going to be okay. As a very good friend of mine says, everything will be okay, even if it's not okay.
Preeti Davidson (07:29.432)
So I look forward to sharing with you what happened, where I came from.
and how everything began to change. And I will tell you that it was from tremendous pain, total sheer desperation.
Preeti Davidson (07:55.116)
and a still small voice inside me that I listen to now, but I didn't even know was there, that sort of tapped me on the shoulder and said, we can do this differently.
And that still small voice is one that guides me now and that I pay attention to. Some people call it intuition. Some people call it God. It doesn't matter what you call it. It's there. It's in all of us.
Preeti Davidson (08:26.912)
And it wants us to be happy. It wants us to get to the other side.
And it reminds me that I don't do any of it alone. When I tried to go it alone.
I brought a lot of disaster onto myself.
Preeti Davidson (08:48.792)
So I will share my hard truths. I will share my messy story because I know we all have one, but we don't always know what it looks like to persevere. I know you've
Preeti Davidson (09:08.824)
but we don't tell each other the hard things. We put on a really good show, I did for years.
And I performed despite being very broken inside. He did a lot of good things.
Preeti Davidson (09:31.01)
But I didn't deserve to do all that broken. And neither do you.
So I will tell you my secrets in hopes that you don't feel alone, that maybe you'll start to share yours. Find the people who will love you until you can love yourself, who will teach you what self -love and self -care looks like, who will help you to reparent that small child inside you that needed something that they didn't
Preeti Davidson (10:12.716)
And maybe together we'll find the other side.
Preeti Davidson (10:20.8)
and recognize that when there is pain, when there is suffering, there is also an opportunity for healing and love.
Preeti Davidson (10:34.177)
and knowing your own strength.
I love you all. I'm so grateful for this opportunity.
Preeti Davidson (10:44.342)
And I thank
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