Back to School Scaries: Mean Girls & Boys Transcript
Hey, Curt and Preeti here from Maya4Life.com. It is back to school season, Curt. How you feeling about that?
Curt (00:07)
I couldn't be happier like many parents out there, than the fact we have to start getting up earlier and there'll be buses and traffic and all that stuff. I'm sure many parents across America are counting the days until little bundles of joy go back to school. The school babysitter's back, 8 .30 to three, all right.
Preeti (00:18)
That's great.
Yeah, it's definitely not a bad thing. But with all of that good new learning and the new notebooks and the pencils and the pens and all that excitement, I was clearly a nerd because those were the things I was excited about going back to school. There is also the back to school scaries. And we want to talk a little bit about some of the transitional issues you and your family might be going through as we get back to it. So Back to School Scaries Part One:
Curt (00:37)
Clearly.
Preeti (00:50)
Mean Girls and Boys. This is going to be an issue for a lot of our parents and kids. And you know what? Your kid might be on the receiving end of a mean girl or a mean boy, but they also might be the mean girl and the mean boy. Let's talk about that,
Curt (01:05)
Yeah, so this is a pretty common thing as new groups are formed to start a year. And if you're in the group, it's great, whether it's, you know, the cool kids or the athletes, but if you're not, some groups can be mean. And again, that's their own external fear and validation. So it really, the best thing you can do as a parent is it starts with your role modeling at home. So you build up your child's self -esteem by how you act. So
If you scream at your child at night and expect them to sleep, well, they won't. If you yell at them in the morning and expect them to have a good day, they won't. So how are you building up your child so that when they do go meet the mean girl or the mean boy or whatever happens in school in the next couple of weeks here as they get started, they have the self -esteem and confidence, to handle a situation like that and not feel external validation and they don't belong and they're not good enough to be in said group
So really, it starts when you wake up and it starts how you talk to them in the morning and you talk to them at night. And how do you role model your confidence? Because they're going to take that from you. And it's really all about confidence and self -esteem when it comes to bullying and not being in a certain group. And so, obviously the standard answers are talk to school. If you're getting reports or your son or daughter is saying.
there's a bully or there's someone who's shaming them or mean, but also do the work at home, do the work and be a teammate to them at home to build them up so that they can handle situations not like this, but also later on in life.
Preeti (02:28)
That's so smart. the stability at home, how confident and safe you feel at home affects our children so greatly that it can help them be resilient towards bullying in school because they know that they are loved, they know that they are worthy, they know that this is a person who has a problem and that that problem does not reside within them, that they are not somehow wrong because they are being picked on. And on the flip side,
I suspect that kids who feel secure and safe and loved at home and have parents that they can rely on, or at least one parent that they can rely on, are not necessarily the ones going to school and picking on other kids and bullying them. And of course, this is all further compounded in this day and age, in the digital age with social media, because often our kids do not get a break from the bullying when they come home. So...
Talking to your kids' school and being aware that the bullying happens on their phones, what are some of the tips that you have, if the bullying is happening on social media and not in person necessarily?
Curt (03:31)
same thing where you want to tell your parents, they, you know, ask your kids about the social media aspect of it. great example is there are 12 and 13 year olds going back to school this week. I've already heard the stories from parents about they just walk up to each other and talk about getting it from the family, right? How you act at home. And they say, it's Harris or Trump. And that's their first question to see if you're in which, if they can be friends with you or if they're in the group. Now we are in the political season, at least till mid November.
But there are kids who are deciding friendships based on your political beliefs. 13, 12 year olds are doing this. So where are they getting that? Well, certainly at home, they want to be aligned with their parents and they bring it to school. So if your parent is pro Trump and then his, friends must be pro Trump because your parents are your heroes. They can't be wrong. And vice versa for Harris. So what you're saying and how you're presenting at home, even among this subject is affecting your kid's life in school and how they're making friends. So what if.
You're in a classroom with five pro -Trump parents and the kids feel that way and one Harris. So now you have a situation there. No one's going to be, 12 year olds aren't going to be friends with each other because of the parents' political beliefs or what they're saying at home. So really the role modeling part plays a lot bigger role than I think parents believe, even their comments about politics right now.
Preeti (04:43)
Right, that cannot be understated. It's really sad to see that kids are coming home and feeling bullied because of, I mean, quite frankly, they don't really have a stake in politics and they are 100 % learning it from their parents. And so if their parents are angry and angry at strangers on the internet and flaming people online, then that's trickling down to your kids and it's causing a lot of pain in amongst our children.
What if your kid is the bully? What if the school calls and says, Mr. Dalton, and obviously not your kids, because your kids are awesome, but Mr. Dalton, your kid is picking on another kid and we are going to have to take some serious action here. What do you do in that instance as a parent?
Curt (05:19)
Perfect.
well, the first thing is why is my son be in that much pain? Why is he expressing pain and, trying to cut and hurt other kids, not cut physically, or maybe physically cut them. But why is he, what's the pain that he's in that he needs to transfer it and make other kids feel bad or feel his pain? and that could be a variety of things within each household. have we talked about on our videos from political beliefs to alcoholism, to divorce, to, just growing up and having a hard time in school, whether it's studying or athletics, anything like that.
Nipping it in the butt early in September is good. And then talking to your son or daughter and why they're acting this way, why they feel good when someone else feels bad, that usually stops them in their tracks too. And just like, what's the pain? Why do you feel that you want to hurt someone or make them feel bad and having that discussion so they get to the root of it as opposed to the standard? no, don't do that. Like I talked to your teacher, stop doing that. Be nice to, you know, Stacy or Bobby or whoever that's.
That's just putting it off. It's not going to why it's happened.
Preeti (06:20)
Right. And you know, our kids are experiencing a lot of shame, whether you're the recipient of bullying or you are the bully, there is a ton of shame involved in this. And so approaching your child with compassion and empathy and understanding that there is a problem. And as you said, there is a core problem of pain, And bullies really do experience pain.
And here's another place where as a parent, instead of blaming or faulting or being mad at your spouse for something, this is really where you can search deep and say, what's my role in it? Not what's my fault, not am I to blame, but what's my role in it? What's my responsibility and what environment am I providing for my child that maybe there needs to be some changes in how I talk, how I do conflict resolution, how I talk to my
coworkers, how I talk to other children in the household, how I talk to my partner, maybe needs to also be looked at. at MAYA we talk a lot to parents and children about these issues. And there's a lot of conflict resolution that we're able to provide and assist our families with. But again, we're not therapists. And so we highly also recommend that if there is a family issue, if there's a family systems issue, family therapists
are really great at this work and they're out there and we can recommend a number of them for you as well.
Curt (07:41)
Right, and like you said, if kids will not be happy if their parents are miserable and they can't have happiness if they see mom and dad miserable. And we know a of moms and dads are miserable and that just is something that kids are trying to deal with. That's their pain seeing their mom unhappy or their dad unhappy.
It's just a transference of seeing mom and dad not happy. And so they're going to school not happy. What are they supposed to do? Be happy that their parents aren't happy. So it's kind of this trickle down domino effect of what's happening at home that leads to pain, leads to outbursts in school. Or like you said, this bullying, aggressive behavior of I'm in pain. I don't know what to do with this. So I'm going to bully a weak person or a weaker person physically or mentally, whatever that person is. So a lot of it.
requires reflection of the parents and work by the parents, which is an ask, you know, and you got to do the work as a parent too, not just to have your kid go to therapy.
Preeti (08:31)
Right, and let's remember the parents where children once to and a lot of these wounds are generations of trauma. And so you doing the work as a parent now is breaking the cycle for your children, but also for yourself because you didn't deserve to grow up in a home where there was some of that strife as well. And we repeat these patterns. It's just what happens. We do the best we can. We try to do better than the generation before, but really
your opportunity today as a parent is to break that cycle both for yourself and for your children. Hey Curt, how do people find out more about the MAYA program and what it can do for families during this school transition and at other times during the year?
Curt (09:13)
I'm sure you can link it hit the link in below this video or go to maya4life.com That's M-A -Y -A the number four and life. So maya4life.com .com and you can get in touch with Preeti or myself or check it out the blogs or check out our scheduling and take a look and see if it's something that's a good fit for you.
Preeti (09:31)
Yep, we'd love to hear from you. We'd love to book a thirty minute call with you to tell you what it's all about. And it's at Maya4Life.com. Thanks, Curt.
Curt (09:40)
You're welcome.
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